I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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