how can u be prego again
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
