I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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