Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I touched a dick in church today
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
