Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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