Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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