I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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