Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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