I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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