Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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