was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just pee around me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
