grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
