Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
