love makes seman taste better
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
