I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
