Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
