he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
