Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
