No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
