Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
time to smoke my breakfast
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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