My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize