the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
