I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
