Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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