His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Randomize
