Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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