He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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