I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
