I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
