just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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