she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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