hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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