And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
