So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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