Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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