girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
