yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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