you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
