Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
