You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
