Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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