My room smells like vodka and shame
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
