Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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