Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
