i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
