i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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