i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
