I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
