I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
