i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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