tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
