The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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