have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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