Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
