last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
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I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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