I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
a search helicopter?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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