I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
