ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
