I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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