"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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