she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i've created a new STD.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
