our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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