I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
