God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
