WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
