and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
